His Bloggership Mouse @ Pehrspace 03-12-10I just wanted to give a big thanks to everyone who came to the show last night. And everyone else in general.
In all likelihood, that will be the last show I put-on. There's one more dangler out there that may come together in a few months, but other than that, my days as a hobbyist showmaker are behind me. I've never liked the stress of being partly responsible for how many people come through the door.
(Want some wistful reminiscing? You're getting it!)
"Classical Geek Theatre" was the name of my newspaper column in college. I relaunched the "brand" in the summer of 2007. I was bored and lonely. So I started going to see live music. I was by myself; I didn't talk to anybody. I just stood there and watched. I saw some shows I enjoyed and posted about them on my personal myspace page.
At the same time, I wasn't writing screenplays like I was supposed to. I knew you're supposed to "write every day". Since I was writing about music on my myspace every time I went out and saw it, I decided to commit myself publicly. That way, I'd have to write every day. CGT the blog was born.
It wasn't long before bands started finding my reviews of their shows. Other bloggers took notice. I met them and made a lot of terrific friends. I started meeting and become friends with the people in the bands, too. Going to Ball State for college, I had a hard time finding people "like me". I found them at
The Echo and
Spaceland. Much of the past few years, for me, was having the experience I wanted but could never find in high school and college.
Eventually I started working directly with the bands to promote their stuff. I knew how to do this already because I did it for
Entertainment Tonight, so that came naturally. I got listed for the holy grail, The Free Stuff, which was great. I put on
some amazing shows. I tour blogged some. I flirted with trying to write about music professionally, but I lacked the drive, connections, and (to some degree) sufficient knowledge base.
Through all of it, I've never viewed CGT as a "music blog". I was never aspiring to be the next Gorilla vs. Bear. I never accepted advertising. World domination through blogging was never the idea. CGT has been, and will always be, the homebase for my voice as a writer -- whatever sort of writing career I manage to obtain.
If it were 30 years ago, I wouldn't have a blog. I'd have been at a newspaper. I would have (hopefully) had an editor that would have taken me under his wing and helped develop me as a writer. My worst writing would have never been seen by anyone. Instead, as a blogger, everything is seen. (Everything is scene?) My development as a writer has been transparent and out in the open. I've made all my (many) mistakes in the public eye.
(To that point, I still haven't forgiven myself for how I responded to The Mae Shi split. Failing to get comment from the guys in Signals before posting is without question the most egregious error I've made on this blog.)
Last night it struck me how fortunate I am to have so many musicians as friends. I'm not really like them. I'm an outsider, and I feel grateful for having been tolerated. I entered this community
acting like an outsider. I wrote a lot of critical things about other people my age who were, like me, making all of their mistakes in the public eye. And I made those mistakes even more public for them. I'm not always certain it was the right thing to do. Never mind that my ideas about technology and progress are usually in direct conflict with most musicians' ideas about their art and craft.
So last night I was again allowed to share in their endeavors. I was, again, touched. Sometimes I wish I'd aspired for CGT to be more so I could do more to help these people out. I've had so much free music, so many free memories, and I will never be in a position to repay the debt.
I've finally "grown-up" enough to write screenplays, which is what I moved 3,000 miles away in 2004 to do. I wrote every day, I never stopped writing, and now I'm writing what I am supposed to be writing; the experiment worked. I owe a great deal of it to the music community, because every band I've ever covered has given me an opportunity to be engaged in living. They've given me an opportunity to write every day.
That writing, my relationship with my girlfriend (hopefully the last girlfriend I ever have), and my professional aspirations feel like they're on another planet from late night residencies and DIY drunkfests. I still like to go see music, I will still go see music, and I will still occasionally blog about music. I'll still do some album reviews, because they flex a different muscle. There's not likely to be a tangible change on CGT from the post before this one and the post after.
But I'm not the same guy I was at
Sweater Fest '07. I can't do five nights of shows a week any more. I have more than enough music for every moment of my life.
The Mae Shi are on indefinite hiatus,
The Airborne Toxic Event has moved-on to bigger and better things, and
The Henry Clay People and
The Happy Hollows aren't far from a similar fate. I don't feel burnt-out, just full. I'm not sick of new music, I just feel like new music is intended for someone else. It took a lot of passion to follow those bands to this point. I can't do it again with the next batch.
Thanks again for your continued readership. I'm hoping to add some posts about my screenwriting into the mix. (Been meaning to do that anyway.) I have about 100 collected thoughts links to collate. Might break 'em down into categories per post; I'd like to write more about each individual link in the future. The Singularity is near!
